How the Grinch Stole Christmas...

... He took away my boyfriend.

This Christmas has had many moments far superior than Christmases past. There was no freak out on Christmas day, Mom prepared the entire meal with less than 3 expletives uttered. My family spent TIME together! Not just a few minutes, but a few hours! I've also had time to relax since I've been here, which might be the greatest shocker of them all. 

But all of my yuletide bliss is bittersweet and somewhat diluted because of one very important missing piece--Tom. Being away from him has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. As soon as I distract myself enough to forget how much I miss him, I get on Facebook or even open my computer to see the background and I fall back into a Scrooge-worthy bummed out state.

Am I being ridiculous? I know we've only been dating for a month, but he makes me so incredibly happy! He's like the missing puzzle piece in my life. Seemingly every shortcoming I have, he balances. It blows my mind. He motivates me to be better and makes me feel like I can actually do it. I could go on forever, but needless to say he makes my life so wonderful. Being without him has felt like walking around like a zombie. It's like there's a hole in my heart...

So Christmas is supposed to be the happiest time of year, but this year it's been the loneliest. Christmas is when you celebrate all the wonderful things in your life and bask in the happiness of those things... so what about when those things are out of your reach?

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'til his puzzler was sore. The the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."

Stereotypical Thanksgiving Post...

Things that I'm grateful for...

- People who are not ashamed of me when I snort

- Redbox

- My amazing roommates

- Good conversation

- The acoustics in my car

- The ability I have to serve others

- Old friends

- New friends

- People who sing along

- Good hugs

- 3 hour conversations with my mom

- Random text messages of love

- Home-cooked meals

- The satisfaction I get from organizing things

- Dance

- Music that speaks to my soul

- People who make life worth living

- The one who knows it all--my Savior, Brother, Redeemer, and Best Friend

There's probably a million other things I could mention, but during this season of Thanksgiving I have decided to really do my best to be optimistic and see the good in everything. I am someone who is so incredibly blessed and I would surely be amiss if I didn't take a moment here and there to realize that.

Stop and smell the roses, for tomorrow they may be nothing more than potpourri. 

Ciao!

A Little Perspective...

I just realized how much the semester has flown by and had to take a moment to ponder.

It's almost the middle of November. Almost Thanksgiving. And so much has happened! 

I realized that my roommates and I are like sister already and I don't remember when or how that happened. I remember praying for it, and I remember at the beginning when I was trying so  hard to be likeable. But now it's comfortable and perfect and I don't know how it happened. How times flies!

I realized that I've already had my heart broken slightly this semester. But that I've also had my eye on the same guy for a LONG time (that doesn't happen often). I've also grown a lot in my choices of men and the way I see them. I'm impressed by my maturity in the way I handled things with "Boy Who Shall Not Be Named Who Broke My Heart" and how I can see how I grew from that experience already!

I realized that some of my ideals have changed... along with some goals, and dreams, and fantasies. I feel so much more like the woman I want to be--the one I'm supposed to be. It's amazing what a few months, a good kick in the pants, and a lot of time on your knees will do. My priorities are so different now!

And then I realized that the only reason I stopped to realize all this was because my family is on vacation in Costa Rica. Hold on, hold on--let me explain! When my parents go on vacation to some far off land where cell phone service is a thing of the past and my mom checks to see that her tanning oil hasn't dried up way more than she checks her email, I am at the height of anxiety. Those two are my life, not just in the financial sense. My parents are my everything--my motivation, my love, my assurance. So having no word of their well-being for an entire week is worse than Chinese water torture. It was this realization--the shift in my life because my parents were away--that made me stop and think about the time. 

They go on these trips pretty often, and they usually take one every year about this time. It's this time when life always gets a little topsy turvy for me in every way possible and that is of course the time that they are unreachable. I can't help but wonder if it's a test of strength--not by God, but by me. If I subconsciously say to myself "OK, they're gone, let's see if you can do better than last time" every time they jet away.

One of my greatest fears in life is that I won't be capable of being independent from my parents. Apparently my fears have finally manifest themselves visibly enough that I might have to actually start facing them. Isn't that a trifling thought! Oy!

Things Look Better In the Light...

Whoa! I haven't written in here since summer! I'm so sorry!

Life is, in a word, nutty. I'm sure most of you know that I'm in school and that's no easy task. Add to that the fact that my health has been fickle and the weather nice and it makes sense that my blog has seen better days. But I have had a few wonderful experiences lately that I should share, and perhaps a bit of wisdom as well.

Halloween this year was EPIC! The first time around, I looked like this:

 I know, I know... there are no words. On Halloween night, I was dressed as a wealthy widow from the 1920's for a murder mystery I went to. It was definitely one of the most fun things I have ever done... even if I got the pee scared out of me when I found the 'body' in the garage!! After my experience as a sexy sleuth, I met up with some friends to see an outdoor concert performance of "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street." WOW. I don't know the last time I enjoyed myself so much at the theatre. I think what made it even better was being there with my friend, David, who is some what of a Sondheim worshipper. So when I got really into the show or really excited about something, I felt justified. It's nice to have people who understand.

And I think that's what I wanted to impart some wisdom about: people. I've had a rough couple of weeks (I won't get into details) and I found that the only thing that got me through was people. People who always make me smile--people like David. People who make me feel needed--people like Becca. People who make me feel like my best IS enough--people like Shantelle. People who know exactly what I'm feeling when I can't articulate it--people like my mom. I am so incredibly blessed. I think when my Father in Heaven sent me to this earth, he sent me with a variable 'posse' of loved ones, knowing that they would be the driving force in my life. And there have been different people at different stages and always at the right place at the right time. It's amazing how well I am taken care of by a loving God.

I have to express my gratitude for this gospel in my life. I don't know where I'd be, or more importantly WHO I'd be without it. I am a beautiful and cherished daughter of God and He has an amazing plan for me. I am so excited to find out what that plan entails... and who.

Teenagers, Bobcats, and Wyoming... OH MY!

So, I don't know if I'm going to do this ANY justice, but EFY was the most wonderful experience I have had in quite some time. For those of you who don't know, EFY stands for Especially For Youth. It's a week-long retreat for Mormon teenagers. They come from all over the world to go on these retreats to be spiritually strengthened and make friends with youth their age that hold their same standards. It truly is an inspired program. Well, my job as a counselor basically meant that I was with my 10 girls 24/7. I had girls ages 14-15 and they were just wonderful. Here's a picture of my girls from my first week:

These girls were so inspiring; as well as my girls from the second week. They definitely taught me more than I taught them. So did my co-counselors. My first week, I had Vince and Sadie

Vince was a pro. He helped me so much with all the little things I didn't know. Sadie was also doing her first week ever, so it was really cool for us to learn together. They were a huge support to me, always encouraging me. They're wonderful. My second week, I had Spencer and Dani.

These 2 were hysterical. I'm pretty sure the 3 of us together scared the crap out of our youth. It was awesome. One of my favorite parts was this one inside joke that wound up going crazy. One of the girls thought she saw a bobcat (yes, a bobcat--in Idaho) and so we spent the rest of the week kind of making fun of her and throwing in random bobcat alerts here and there to our morning or evening announcements. But, overall, EFY really taught me about myself and the woman I want to be. I set a lot of goals that I hope to work on over the next semester. 

As for the cabin trip... it has been the most relaxing weekend of my life. I have no cell phone service, but we do have wireless, so I could communicate with the outside world only when I wanted to. The view is also completely and utterly breathtaking. I have never been so in awe of God's creation as I have been here. I feel so blessed to have been able to spend a few days of peace with good friends, in a great atmosphere, making some of the most amazing memories.

As of this moment, we're slowly preparing to go back to Provo after a great weekend. I don't know that I want to go home because I know that home means going back to school. But, I'm sure this is going to be an amazing semester--I'm just sure of it.

Ciao!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Charli-Rae!

Here she is! Obviously I stole the photo from some random auto website, but I've been too busy to take photos. But this is exactly what she looks like, color and all. Gorgeous, huh?! I am so excited!! Her name is Charli-Rae (I figured she needed a hyphenated name since it's a C-RV). Charli is short for Charlotte which means 'feminine' and Rae comes from a Japanese root meaning 'law' (my sad attempt at maybe not getting so many tickets LOL). But she drives like a dream and I look darn cute in it! Let me know what you think!

Ciao!

Watch Out Wildwood!

I know I haven't updated this in a million bazillion years, but I've been working my patootie off at the call center and enjoying my summer here in glorious Provo before the temperatures reach triple digits. But that will not be my concern in less than one week because

I'M GOING HOME!!!

Every time someone asks me how I'm doing, I get to scream that blessed phrase into their faces. I cannot explain how excited I am to go home. I'm a little nervous (in all honesty), but let me explain. I've had this terrible habit of kind of losing my mind when I visit home. I spend all year progressing spiritually and in maturity, but when my senses get a whif of the Atlantic it all goes haywire. But not this summer. I am bound and determined to be the woman I know I can be. I have no reason to slip up and fall into old habits, but I have a million reasons to do better.

First and foremost, whether it be for marriage or a mission, I will be going through the temple within the year and I will let nothing stand in my way of receiving the fulness of temple blessings that I know I deserve. It's what I've worked for since I entered those waters of baptism almost 7 years ago. (Wow, it's been that long?) But I will be worthy to stand in that holy place. I can't wait.

But, on a less serious note, I am so stinkin excited for Jersey! I can't wait to see my parents, just thinking about makes my heart ache in anticipation! I'm also excited for some real food! Don't get me wrong, Utah is great when it comes to Mexican food, but for anything else it kinda sucks. I can't wait for fresh produce, fresh fish, and pasta dishes I can drown in! :)

One of the best parts about this whole trip is that my roommate, Sarah, is coming to visit for the last week I'm home! She's never been to the east coast before so I am super excited to show her around! (and have an excuse to go to NYC) She's such an amazing girl and she has lived in Utah her whole life, so I'm jazzed to get to show her a whole different world.

Well, I better hit the sack. 

Ciao!