I just realized how much the semester has
flown by and had to take a moment to ponder.
It's almost the middle of November. Almost Thanksgiving. And so much has happened!
I realized that my roommates and I are like sister already and I don't remember when or how that happened. I remember praying for it, and I remember at the beginning when I was trying so hard to be likeable. But now it's comfortable and perfect and I don't know how it happened. How times flies!
I realized that I've already had my heart broken slightly this semester. But that I've also had my eye on the same guy for a LONG time (that doesn't happen often). I've also grown a lot in my choices of men and the way I see them. I'm impressed by my maturity in the way I handled things with "Boy Who Shall Not Be Named Who Broke My Heart" and how I can see how I grew from that experience already!
I realized that some of my ideals have changed... along with some goals, and dreams, and fantasies. I feel so much more like the woman I want to be--the one I'm supposed to be. It's amazing what a few months, a good kick in the pants, and a lot of time on your knees will do. My priorities are so different now!
And then I realized that the only reason I stopped to realize all this was because my family is on vacation in Costa Rica. Hold on, hold on--let me explain! When my parents go on vacation to some far off land where cell phone service is a thing of the past and my mom checks to see that her tanning oil hasn't dried up way more than she checks her email, I am at the height of anxiety. Those two are my life, not just in the financial sense. My parents are my everything--my motivation, my love, my assurance. So having no word of their well-being for an entire week is worse than Chinese water torture. It was this realization--the shift in my life because my parents were away--that made me stop and think about the time.
They go on these trips pretty often, and they usually take one every year about this time. It's this time when life always gets a little topsy turvy for me in every way possible and that is of course the time that they are unreachable. I can't help but wonder if it's a test of strength--not by God, but by me. If I subconsciously say to myself "OK, they're gone, let's see if you can do better than last time" every time they jet away.
One of my greatest fears in life is that I won't be capable of being independent from my parents. Apparently my fears have finally manifest themselves visibly enough that I might have to actually start facing them. Isn't that a trifling thought! Oy!
