Yesterday I lost one of the most amazing men in my life... my grandfather.
And while I can't even begin to regale you with all of his achievements in sports (from baseball to pool to bocce ball) or the life lessons he taught me... I feel I need to in some way honor him, or mourn him.. right now I'm not quite sure what to do.
I can't say that I'm not glad that he's passed on. I know he was in pain and so frustrated that he could no longer communicate his thoughts and feelings to us. But no matter how many people tell me he's 'gone to a better place' it doesn't ease the burning hole in my heart.
My Pop-Pop was one of the strongest people I have ever known--both in the body and in spirit. He played softball and bocce ball well into his eighties and has more confidence and conviction than most men will lever know. If there is one thing I know I have of my grandfather's (besides my height) it's the confidence to be myself. He always seemed like a man who could just walk up to anybody and say "I'm Bob Cinelli. If you don't like it, I don't need ya." And for those of you who know me, know I've inherited a very similar attitude about life.
This has also made me think about goodbyes. I hate goodbyes. Yes, I just used the word 'hate'. Saying goodbye to my friends in Provo a week ago was brutal. Saying goodbye to my friends who were graduating broke my heart. And saying goodbye to my Pop-Pop will be a heart-wrenching experience. The last time I saw him was at Christmas--before he got sick. He was joking around and griping about me not playing baseball anymore. But I could see in his eyes that he knew we would be saying goodbye soon. He looked at me with so much love and I could tell that he was proud to have me as a granddaughter. I'm glad I could make him proud. That I could get good grades, do good things, and make his favorite Christmas cookies to maybe make his time on this earth just the tiniest bit brighter.
You didn't know my Pop-Pop, but he was an extraordinary man. And I hope that a glimpse of his extraordinary qualities live on through me.
I love you Pop-Pop Noisy.
Please watch over me until we meet again.
In Loving Memory of Robert Anthony Cinelli
5/2/2009
